Why Can’t I Be Friends With My Therapist?

You and your therapist can exchange “friendly conversation” with each other, however, having a friendship-style relationship is not appropriate.  Professional, ethical therapists are expected to keep strict client/therapist boundaries.  Becoming or referring to each other as friends is considered a boundary violation. 

Your therapist purposely keeps a professional distance, which allows you to connect with them in a unique way.  The boundaries in the therapy relationship create a sense of safety, allowing you to be more open and vulnerable than you can with friends.  

“If your therapist were to become your friend, they would lose their objectivity.”

Their own needs would start to become a factor within the therapy relationship.  Being your therapist is a special role that they are committed to preserving. 

For example, perhaps something upsetting or difficult is being discussed in a therapy session. You are free to talk about it openly, without worrying about causing any conflict or hurt feelings.

In a friendship, there might be a hesitancy to speak with complete honestly.  With friends, one often considers fear of harming the relationship or being afraid of what the friend might “think” of you. These considerations would cloud the therapeutic relationship, making it unproductive or even harmful for you. 

“The relationship you have with your therapist is very similar to the relationship you have with your nurse or doctor.”

This clinical relationship is important for both sides in order to diagnose and provide treatment.  

Maintaining the professional role of a therapist is crucial for your well-being. Their goal is to help you heal, grow, and develop better relationships with yourself and others.

It’s important to remember that while friendship is valuable, good therapy can help you make room for more friendships in your life.  When done right, therapy can provide you with something unique – it can help you heal, expand your sense of what’s possible, and bring joy back into your life. 

“Friends are friends, therapists are therapists.”